Ti K' T'nashveh T'hy'la
by EmoGurl333
Summary: Featuring Hurt!Kirk.  A distraught Kirk and a Distant Spock are attacked by a new alien race while planet side. Will Spock be able to save Jim's life and mend there broken relationship? Please Please Review :
1. Mistakes

**Captains Log (suplimental): **

Enterprise in orbit around the newly discovered planet, #5468. Under Starfleet orders we are to discover as much as we can about the planet. However, we have _strict _orders to obey the prime directive and avoid interfering with their society unless necessary. Not much is known about planet 5468 other than its inhabitants are humanoid to some existent; also its landforms are an exact replica of 14th to 15th century earth, with two exceptions. The landforms that would be Japan and China On earth are 15% larger. In 8 minutes I, security officer Smith, security officer Gomez, security officer Michal, and Mr. Spock are to beam down to the planet's surface to explore the planet in more detail.

_Mr. Spock_. Endless waves of guilt wash over me. _It's all your fault. You hurt him. Why would he ever talk to you again?_ My thoughts forcefully cause me to relive that event that took place almost three weeks ago. The familiar whoosh of the bridge door reminds where I'm at. In the back of my mind I hope its bones coming to check on how things are going. As I turn I know already. As he walks through the opening doors the displaced air catches the ever so rare out of place strands of this feather soft hair. Spock looks up from his PADD. Those big Beautiful chocolate brown eyes meet mine. Before what I had done to him three weeks ago I might have seen a spark in those eyes, a glint of emotion. He might have even graced me with a Vulcan smile or even an ever so hidden human one. Now his eyes are cold and unemotional, a far, painful cry from the ones I had become accustomed to.

_You're Fault. You hurt him. And now you expect him to treat you the same and even look at you the same? You're Lucky he looks at you at all. _I mentally winced. But outwardly I smile; I gave him my most charming convincing smile I can manage. But even I as I choke back pain and smile my face in half. I know my smile doesn't reach my eyes, and I know he sees right pass it. But I keep smiling, I hope beyond on all reason that a little of the spark in his eyes will return and he my smile back in his own Vulcan way. Instead Spock Simply gives me a curt nod and makes his way to his station. I instantly feel my face bombshell. I aimlessly watch the new planet in a way it gives me a fraction of the comfort of seeing my own homworld. Home. I was planning on taking Spock there one day. Show him where I gre-.

"Scott tee captain" The chief engineer Montgomery Scott was a welcome interruption from my thoughts.

"Yes Mr. Scott. What do you have?"

"Transporters and security team ready for beaming, Sir"

"Thank You Mr. Scott, Mr. Spock and myself on route now."

"Aye, Scott out."

With a single press of a button the small exchange of words is over. And a new challenge begins. Not just for the planet below, not just for Starfleet. But also a personal one, for Mr. Spock and myself. This will be the First time since then Spock and I will be working together. For everyone's sake I hope we can find at least an unsteady equilibrium. "Mr. Spock." With a single sad excuse for "Come with me" hand gesture he is trailing close behind me. But I am anxious. The turbolift alone Spock will not be easy. The Beads of sweat on my face are momentarily dried by the lifts doors closing behind us. Locking us in. Together.

"Transporter Room One" The sound I make is a sad excuse for a voice. Spock, he's close enough, that if I wished to I could reach out and just barely touch him. Yet…He seems so distant. Next to me he's so rigid I can practically feel waves of energy radiating off of him. If only I could reach him and… _Touch? Touch! He's a touch telepath why would he care what you feel? All he cares about is how you made him feel, terrible. He doesn't care about you. In fact, I bet he would not give a damn if you were injured on this mission. He may have cared once but that was before he learned your lesson. Your entire fault._ How my thought my own thoughts crippled me was astonishing. Mostly because it was likely they were true.

"S-Spock. I-" I can form syllables but no words.

"Yes, Captain?" Spock's rich deep voice was a mirror to his eyes. Once warm and sweet, especially when he gifted rare treat of letting me see the emotions that played in his eyes was now a flat, cold almost toneless. _A punishment I well deserved. _

"Nothing" A lie. I'm beginning to wonder how long I can grip the railing of the lift before I throw myself to the floor beg for his forgiveness. Surely he see's I suffer. Just as surely I know I will go on suffering for him if his happiness is in not being with me, I will suffer forever if only to see him happy. And yet, I wish I could at least sit and play chess with again and talk with him again.

Finally to my sweet bliss the doors of the lift open. And just like the coward I truly am, I scurry out, Spock not far behind.

"Mister Scott, report please."

"Ay, beam down crew ready. Planet class M, high in nitrogen, oxygen and trace elements." I give Scotty a nod of approval, meanwhile trying to ignore his nervous glances at Mr. Spock and myself.

"Alright everybody, you herd Mr. Scott. But let me make one thing clear, the Prime Directive is in _full effect. _You are all to report to me or first officer Spock every fifteen minutes. Anyone who fails to do this shall be beamed back aboard immediately. Starfleet is serious about this, so…we have to be just as serious." My crew looked at me with stern determination some nodding in approval. My proud crew, It took me so long to get to the rank of captain and even then I never could have imaged I would have such a fine crew.

"Alright everyone, prepare for beaming" I pause momentary to make sure everyone is ready as they step on to the Transporter Pad. Satisfied with what I see I go to take a step towards the pad. As I life my foot to take a step a draft of heat washes over my left side. I involuntarily cringe because even before the heated draft had passed a blotch of blue and black streaked in front of me. Then he was simply there, on the transporter pad. He stood looking over information on his PADD, regal as ever.

I shake my head trying to rid myself of thoughts of Spock. As if it were that easy, it's never easy. And as I walk to the transporter pad I feel as if parts of my life may never be easy again. Not without him, but I would rather my life be hard than Spock to be unhappy.

"Mr. Scott…Energize."


	2. Meeting Of New Life, End Of A Known One

Beaming is a lot like blinding the senses then dipping your very essence in a low current in electricity. Your body feels tingly, but the rest of you feels…distant in a way. I'm guessing it's why Starfleet usually has so much problems with cadets who have never beamed. It can be a very strange experience for those who have never done it before. Some have panic attacks after their first time, saying that they had lost their body or soul. I don't know if it's because I grew up around them or that I have simply beamed so many times but I hardly notice anything adverse while beaming anymore. Therefore, beaming planet side was nothing new.

The environment that I materialized in however was a completely different story. As my senses recovered from the transport, my sense of feel was the first to come back online. And the first thing I felt was overwhelming heat and humidity, but with this humidity and heat was a almost winter like breeze. And the cool breeze smelt like something close to cherry blossoms and lotus flowers but even the smells are somehow off. They were either vibrant cool that seemed to refresh skin and lugs, much the way a aftershave or face wash would. Or, a intense warmth like a hard liquor but without the sting or burn.

The world that I am just starting to experience suddenly has sound. It is surprisingly quieter than I expected. There are very few sounds. Some distinct like the sound of something that sounds like earths crickets and locusts. Some just background noise, like the sway of the native foliage. And in the distance running water.

Finally, as the shimmering subsides the world becomes clear, and my heart stops. Nothing could have prepared me for what I see, no a Starfleet briefing, not the climate, not the sounds, nothing. I have materialized In a lush Han Purple and neon pink dominate forest. In fact, everything in the forest was a neon color. Many of the neon plants came up to my knees easily. Some of the plants were higher, others lower like you would expect from plant life. However, native foliage on this planet took it to extremes. The trees here were an excellent example; most of the trees around us were much bigger than the ones on earth being what I guess to be almost 3 meters in with and hundreds upon hundreds of feet tall. While other trees were mere centimeters away from the planet's surface.

Within seconds, I realize that the forest around me is actually quite dark. But then another shocking fact about the planet becomes evident. The forest doesn't seem dark to me because the neon plants are actually _glowing_.

"Fascinating…." I cannot help the smile that splits my face as I hear Spock as he comes to the same conclusion that I have.

"Indeed Mr. Spock. It would seem that we have walked into a all natural rave factory. "

"Rave, sir? "

"Yes. It's something from old earth, I explain it to you sometime." Even as I speak, I can tell the spark that was in my voice only moments ago is gone. It is the realization that has snuck up on me often as of late. The realization that things are not how they use to be, we are not as we use to be. And that it is wrong that I constantly try to act as if things have not changed. It must be my own selfishness that has let me forget countless times already that because of my actions I have lost something dearer than my life. For I will never be able to explain to Spock what a rave is or to-

"Captain! Look!" I am ripped from my thoughts as security officer Pearson shouts in surprise. He is pointing to something. For a moment, I see nothing but the native purple bamboo then, an ever so subtle movement catches my eye, an almost nonexistent shift in the bamboo. But after a faction of a second, as if someone flipped a switch, the movement was gone.

With the disappearance of the movement, the disappearance of sound seemed not so far behind. The forest around us seemed to have died. The only thing alive being the tension that mounted with every second of not knowing what was around us. Silence cascaded in, leaving us with only our thoughts.

"Perhaps it was the wi-" Pearson's words cut themselves off with a murderous scream. Without warning, Roughly an inch above what was most likely the mans navel a deep crimson darker than his red uniform seeped out in every direction. At first, the only evidence of anything wrong was that thin line of the seeping red around the mans midsection. But as Pearson began to make a sickening sound that was half a gurgle and half a hiccup everything fell into place.

To my horror, Pearson collapsed, body sliced in two. His intestines shredded about, each piece leaking acidic bile that stained the ground. For a moment I was frozen, watching the carcass of Pearson twitching about. Thankfully my command instincts took over quickly, reminding me of what I needed to do.

"Everyone defense positions! Phasers on Kil- High stun!" I cursed, god damn prime directive. The remaining beam down crew quickly assembled themselves into a defense position. _Defense against what though? _

"Captain, there!" I fallowed Spock's line of sight. Suddenly, there on the edge of the bamboo circle, leering over Pearson's corpse was something only vaguely humanoid. The _thing_ looked like it was six feet tall. Its entire body was a mass of rippling muscles. Its body was structured like that of a human with the addition of dozens of razor like teeth, a furred tail half its height in length, and hands that curved to into blood stained talons. Behind it was a smaller version of itself, minus the threatening features. In fact, the smaller animal seemed to be in distress.

The two creatures seemed to be communicating to each other. After only a few alien syllables the universal translator began to notice there language.

"Brother please! The one did not hurt me! He didn't mean to do it. Please brother let them be!" The smaller one looked like a 16 year old boy. His words apparently a part of a conversation that had been going on for at least a few minutes.

"Katzuki, hush! Look at them, furless and sickly. They look like the Ta'leer! And that one even has the skin of a Benki and weird ears; they are evil and will only hurt. And I will NOT let them hurt you Kat. They must be eliminated. "

With that a lager one heaved a growl and barreled forward, closing in on…Me!


	3. Hold Me While I'm Here

Time seems to slow as the ravenous, blood hungry humanoid creature runs towards me. Its moves so fast that run doesn't quite seem to be the right word of the movement it made. Gliding seems to be a better word, even if its feet always struck the ground. I can feel my heart pounding against my ribcage and hear my blood rush in every direction in my body. Seconds seem like hours as creature closes in on me. I can hear the security team and Spock yell warnings to me. But I make no effort to move. I know its too late.

I almost chuckle to myself. Too late, there seems to be a lot of "Too late" going on. However I don't chuckle because I know, if I die here, I'll never be able to tell spock how sorry I am. Granted, he will be free of me at last. Still, the thought of him still thinking I wasn't sorry chills me to the bone and beyond. Then again, I guess that's life, or death rather, you just never know when you're out of time.

Finally, the building anticipation ends when I close my eyes and feel myself being flung across the clearing. I land on my right side, face slamming hard with ground, sticks and thorns piercing into face and burying under the skin. Several ribs crack, I can tell my right collar is broken and peeking out past my skin. And worst of all I feel my broken ribs actually making contact with the foreign ground from the wound that was caused by the creatures talon like hands.

It's weird, In books and old earth vids they always depict pain as being instantaneous to getting wounded. And yet for what seems like another eternity I feel nothing my own blood pooling beneath me. Until an electric like pain shoots through everywhere in my body, it consumes me, I am no longer James T. Kirk. My very existence is only this pain that is everywhere and nowhere like a phantom.

I'm distant now, like being caught between being unconscious and having an out of body experience. I feel myself pathetically writhe in pain on the ground…Yet I can see myself too. The pain is immense like thousands of needles are running through my veins, as if every thread of muscle is being ripped apart, as if every bone is being ground down to dust. I swear I feel my skin melt away until nothing is left. Mentally or is it physically? I do not know which. I'm begging for death, and for it all to end. My existence is only pain now, if only I could be freed by the sweet lulling comfort of death.

Then, as if someone or something had answered my silent or monstrous pleas, the pain is gone. No, not gone, but subdued. Replacing it, are the feeling of strong, overly hot arms turning me onto my back and lifting me up only inches from the ground. The scent of Plomeek soup, herbal tea, and incense unfurl all around me. I open my eyes to the blurry image of black hair and brown eyes. Spock, I'm in Spock's arms.

"Spock, I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry. Didn't mean to hurt you. Love you. Gods I love you. _Please_! Sorry. Sorry. So sorry I made you hate. So _sorry_… "

My face is covered with my flowing tears, and my voice is muted and hoarse, and I even skip words. However, none of that matters because I know his beautiful ears can hear and understand me clearly, and I need him to know before I die here on this unfamiliar planet. Know that I love him, that I had always loved him, and that I never meant to hurt him.

In response, Spock's arms tighten around me and pull me closer to his chest. I feel him give an uncharacteristic shudder. Even worse though my continuously blurrier vision I can see his big beautiful brown eyes fill with tears and glaze over his eyes. I am uncertain if they are tears of love or anger, though I wish that they are of love I do not dare hope.

"Oh, T'hy'la….No, I was angry, but I could never hate you, I love you. Now _please_, Jim, T'hy'la, ashayam, hold on. Please Jim, you cannot leave me. I need thee."

_ He loves me_. New tears, now of happiness stream down my face, and further blur my vision. For Spock has said the words I thought I would never hear again. Wrapped in his arms I am content. Yet sadness pulls at me.

"Oh spock, thank you, love you so much. Thought i lost you, I Love you. Want to stay with you forever, but so tired. I don't think I can. I'm sorry. Please forgive. Love you."

My words trail off into nothingness. I can feel myself slipping deeper and deeper into the darkness I once begged for but now resent. I lift my arm that I had not noticed was broken, I can see the bone protrude from my skin. I move my mangled lifted arm so that my hand my touch my beloveds face one last time. And as I do I feel spock lean his sculpted face into my caress and move one arm out from under me and place his warm hand over my colder one. With the reassuring presence of Spock's hand over mine and Spock's mind in mine, I can feel myself letting go. I know that he loves me and that's all I can ask. And as our eyes meet I can see both overflowing tears and sorrowful realization in Spock's chocolate eyes.

"No. No, Ashayam, please no."

Spock's words crack as another unvulcan shudder passes through him. Tears streak down both his cheeks, one even falling to my face. I simply look up at him and smile a sad smile and send love him all the love I can muster though the newly reopened bond.

"Is' ok Spock, it will all be ok. I love you. Never forget that. I love you T'hy'la. Never….forget…I…"

My words slip away as I descend into the darkness. Leaving the world that was unknown to me, the galaxy and the stars that I had grown to know, and friends who were light of life, and of course, the best part of my short existence, Spock. However as Spock liked to say, our love transcended life and death, so I can only hope we will once again meet some day.


End file.
